Introduction
There’s a silence that descends after baby loss. A silence that isn’t just about what people say or don’t say but about what’s going on inside. For many men, baby loss feels like something they have to just "get on with". Support their partner. Hold it together. Get back to work. Say the right thing. Be strong. And somewhere along the way, their grief goes underground.
But here’s the truth: losing a baby breaks something open inside you. Whether it was a miscarriage, stillbirth, or loss shortly after birth, it shatters the future you imagined. It touches everything your sense of identity, your confidence, your relationships, your sleep, even your physical health. And yet for too many men, support is either completely missing or not tailored in a way that feels right.
The latest report from Sands, the UK’s leading baby loss charity, makes this painfully clear.
What the New Sands Report Says
Sands’ 2025 report, Lost in the System, surveyed bereaved parents across the UK. The headline findings are stark:
- Over 80% of parents wanted specialist psychological support after their loss.
- But only 1 in 6 managed to access it through the NHS.
- For men, it’s even worse: there are currently no commissioned NHS mental health services in England that are specifically designed for bereaved fathers.
- Most parents who did get NHS support said it was helpful (87%), but the reality is, the system simply doesn’t reach most of them.
So, what happens to the rest? They either go private, join a peer group or more commonly they go without. They bottle it up. They push it down. They convince themselves it’s not worth talking about. They get lost.
But the grief doesn’t go away. It festers.
Why This Hits Men Differently
As a male therapist who’s lived through baby loss, I know this firsthand. I remember the well-meaning silence, the awkward hugs, the unspoken expectation that I’d be "the strong one." The truth is, men are just as likely to feel the weight of baby loss they just show it differently.
You might find yourself:
- Throwing yourself into work to numb it all
- Feeling numb or detached
- Losing interest in things you once loved
- Struggling with sleep or snapping at the people you care about
- Avoiding anything to do with the baby
- Feeling like a failure, or like you couldn’t protect your partner
This isn’t weakness. It’s grief.
But when the world doesn’t make space for that, it can leave you isolated. And isolation can lead to depression, anxiety, PTSD, or even the breakdown of relationships.
You don’t have to carry this alone.
How I Can Help From One Dad to Another
Therapy might feel like a big step. Maybe it seems like it’s not for you. Or that talking won’t fix anything. But here’s what therapy with me looks like:
- It’s not about being fixed. It’s about being heard.
I’m not here to throw clichés at you or make you talk about anything you’re not ready for. I’m here to sit alongside you, to help you make sense of things at your pace. To create a space where you can say the unsayable.
- You won’t have to explain what baby loss feels like.
I already know. I’ve been there. I’ve lived it. That shared experience can be a powerful connector in therapy because it means I truly get it, without you needing to justify your pain.
- We go beyond words.
Sometimes, talking isn’t enough. That’s why I also offer EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) for trauma, and use creative approaches when they help. This might include writing, music, or guided visualisation work especially useful if you struggle to find the words.
- It’s confidential, flexible, and built around you.
Whether you want to meet online, in-person, or explore one-off sessions, I’ll meet you where you are.
- You’re not just a client. You’re a man navigating the hardest thing he may ever face.
I see your strength, not your weakness.
The Bigger Picture Early Help Matters
The Sands report is clear: early access to specialist support matters. Many parents said they needed help within the first six weeks, when the shock is still raw, and everything feels like it’s falling apart. But too many services are only offered after a mental health crisis, or not at all.
This delay often pushes parents to pay for private support if they can afford it. But what if you can’t? What if therapy feels like a luxury?
It’s not. It’s an investment in your future your mental health, your relationships, your ability to function.
I understand those worries. That’s why I’m committed to making support as accessible and grounded as possible. You won’t find jargon or judgement here. Just a bloke who gets it, trained to help.
What Support Might Look Like
Men often ask me: what will therapy actually do?
Here’s what some of the outcomes can look like:
- You start sleeping better
- You stop blaming yourself
- You feel more connected to your partner or other children
- You begin to remember your baby with love, not just pain
- You learn how to manage waves of grief when they come
- You find purpose again
Grief won’t disappear. But it doesn’t have to destroy you either.
You Deserve Support No Matter What Anyone Says
Baby loss changes you. It will always be part of your story. But it doesn’t have to be the end of it.
If you’re a man who’s lost a baby recently or years ago and you’re struggling, know this:
- You’re not weak.
- You’re not broken.
- You’re grieving.
And you deserve the same compassion, care, and space to heal as anyone else.
I’m here when you’re ready.
If this resonates...
You can reach out for a no-pressure, confidential chat. Whether it leads to therapy or not, it’s a place to start.
Don’t go silent. You don’t have to carry this on your own.
Written by Lee, male counsellor and EMDR therapist in Cornwall. Dad. Music lover. Survivor of baby loss. Helping men navigate grief, without shame.