Bereavement
‘Time is the best healer’ seems to be the phrase people use the most when we’ve lost someone close to us.
But how true is this? And what has your experience been?
Grief Theory
There are many models of grief but the only one I found truly resonated with me was Tonkins model. He proposed that our grief does not shrink over time but instead stays at the same level it’s just that our lives expand and grow around it.
Growing Around the Grief
I certainly found this to be true for myself. In the midst of grief I was interviewed on Sky News, did radio interviews, set up a charity fundraiser for Ronald McDonald house and ran a half marathon raising several thousand pounds for charity – all of these were life expanding events that I would never have done without the grief. Were they healthy or were they ways for me to avoid the pain of grief? – Honestly I’m not sure but they certainly helped me get through the most difficult time of my life.
Sadness, Sleep, Cognitive Decline
One thing that most grieving people seem to share is a deep and profound sadness, trouble sleeping and cognitive difficulties. I remember waking up at 3 am most mornings and watching T.V until the sun rose as I just couldn’t sleep. The cognitive decline was also profound I frequently couldn’t find the words I needed. The process of mental recall was so slow at times I wondered if my brain function would ever return to normal.
Grief Over Time
Thankfully my sleep improved, and my mental functioning is almost at the level it was pre bereavement. I no longer feel intense sadness everyday but I’ve certainly found that grief comes in waves. Other people’s funerals and Christmas I have found to re-trigger the grief very strongly.
Support
Reaching out for support from a Counsellor helped me immensely. If you need support around bereavement, there are charities such as
Cruse - https://www.cruse.org.uk/
Sands (Baby loss) https://www.sands.org.uk/
Tiny Tickers (baby loss) https://www.tinytickers.org/
If you require support with bereavement or face to face in Helston, Cornwall please get in touch.