Baby Loss Counselling for Men (UK)

If you’re a man who has experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or the loss of a baby, you may not recognise yourself in how people usually talk about grief.

You might feel angry, numb, disconnected, or like you’re just getting on with things because someone has to. You may feel pressure to be strong, especially if your partner is struggling.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And it doesn’t mean you’re coping badly.

How Baby Loss Affects Men

Many men don’t experience baby loss as open sadness or tears.

Instead, it can show up as:

anger or irritability

emotional numbness

pulling away from people

anxiety or restlessness

throwing yourself into work or staying busy

feeling fine at first, then struggling months or years later

These reactions are common in men. They are often protective responses when something has been overwhelming or traumatic.

They don’t mean you didn’t care. They don’t mean you’ve moved on.

Some men find it helpful to read more about how grief can affect men and relationships after baby loss.

"I should be coping better..."

This is one of the most common thoughts men carry after baby loss.

You might tell yourself:

“Others have it worse”
“There’s no point talking”
“Time should have fixed this by now”
“I need to hold it together”

Grief doesn’t run on a timetable. And when loss has been sudden, medical, or frightening, the nervous system can stay on high alert long after life looks “normal” again.

Struggling doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It often means something hasn’t had space to be processed yet.

When The Loss Has Been Traumatic

How the loss happened matters.

Some men have experienced:

sudden or unexpected loss
traumatic scans or medical emergencies
time in neonatal intensive care
decisions about withdrawing life support
feeling powerless or responsible in impossible situations

When this happens, reactions such as flashbacks, panic, emotional shutdown, or constant tension may be signs of trauma, not just grief.

What Support Can Look Like For Men

Therapy does not have to mean talking endlessly about feelings.

Many men prefer support that is:

practical and grounded
at their pace
focused on understanding reactions
not emotionally overwhelming

Counselling can help if:

you want to make sense of what’s happened
emotions come in waves
you’re carrying guilt, anger, or confusion
relationships feel strained

Trauma-focused therapy, including EMDR, can help if:

you experience flashbacks or intrusive images
anxiety or panic comes out of nowhere
numbness or anger won’t shift
reminders of the loss feel overwhelming

EMDR works with how the brain processes traumatic experiences. It does not require reliving everything in detail.

Why I Work With Men After Baby Loss

I work with men after baby loss because I understand, both professionally and personally, how isolating this experience can be.

Alongside my clinical training and experience as a counsellor and EMDR therapist, I have lived experience of baby loss. My son, Ray, died at seven weeks old following surgery to support a complex congenital heart condition. That experience involved medical trauma, prolonged uncertainty, and the lasting impact of loss.

I know that many men carry grief quietly, struggle with anger or numbness rather than sadness, and feel pressure to stay strong for others. My approach is calm, practical, and led at your pace.

You don’t need to explain everything perfectly here. The work starts from where you are.